I'm still trying to get into the habit of updating regularly.

Well, there was a single available in my sister's building in Hollywood a couple of weeks ago.  I wasn't quite ready to move, so I passed up the opportunity.  I guess I could have tried harder to get it and just pay rent in advance even though I wouldn't be living there yet.  But I know something else will come up.  It'll all work out. 

I'm having mixed feelings about moving.  I'm excited..I really want to go and start living.  I feel like I'm not really living right now.  Just...existing, and once I get out there or somewhere on my own and start doing the things I want to do, that's when life will really begin.  Maybe that's why getting older bothers me so much right now.  Because even though it may seem like my life is on hold, time hasn't stopped.  Months, years are still going by.

I wonder if I'm ready to be a grown up.  I've been so sheltered all of these years.  I've never had to pay rent or big bills.  Never bought a car or paid for the insurance.  Everything has pretty much been taken care of.  I'm not afraid to go out on my own.  And besides my sister will be there to guide and help me if I need it.  I just wonder how I'll adjust.  I stress about things now and constantly daydream about how I'd like my life to be in the future.  How perfect it could be.  But will it be even more stressful?  At least at first? 

It's a beautiful day outside today.  I ought to be out enjoying it.

Hmm..where do i begin? 

In one of the last few entries i think i talked about possibly moving to alabama.  well i did.  summer of 2006.  anddd i'm still here.  which is okay, i'm not upset about it.  i've been working at this mechanical/industrial contracting office for a little over a year now.  doing accounts payable for a living was probably one of the last things i thought i would do, but it's something to help me save money for california...to go do what i really want to do (make films).  but i enjoy my job. 

i don't really go out much.  i'm not even sure what i do.  i don't get quite as much done at home as i should or would like to, but i'm not out spending time in the streets either.  i guess i just kind of daydream or something.  and read a lot.  and fight against growing up.  if there's anyone who can help me out with this whole aging process that'd be really great, because I'm having serious issues with getting older.  it may seem silly but i swear i have an anxiety attack or something everytime i think about how i'm getting closer and closer to being a quarter of a century years old (i still have a year and two months till then thankfully). 

i'm kind of ready for a fresh start.  i have to start thinking about how i'm going to move to california and what the plan is going to be once i get there.  get a car first or a job?  lots to think about.  i should work on that this weekend.